Real Life Interviews With Men Trapped in Men's Bodies

Extracted from: "Men Trapped in Men's Bodies: Narratives of Autogynephilic Transsexualism" by Anne A. Lawrence

Attraction to Men Often Reflects Desire for Validation of One's Femininity

Several informants who described their sexual attraction to, sexual fantasies about, or sexual interactions with men perceptively observed that their interest in men primarily reflected their erotic desire to have their femininity validated:

I am clearly much more physically attracted to women than men. Yet my primary fantasies are about being a woman with a man. As I think about this, I would concede that this may have much more to do with feminine validation than attraction. The very idea of being desired by a heterosexual man is erotic for me. (018)

Before the transition process started, I often fantasized I was a woman having sex with a man. A little while into transition, my sexual submission with men seemed to validate my feminine feelings. To have intercourse with men seems to be as womanly as anyone can get. (213)

I had sex with a real man. He made me feel Iike literally a whole new person. It is as if l had finally discovered sex; like having sex with a man who affirmed my womanhood was some kind of ultimate fantasy. (035)

I have had sexual encounters with eight men. These have been generally less than ideal, since they have all had trouble maintaining erections. None the less, I found I enjoyed the physical aspects of this type of sex and felt I was confirming my womanhood by being a passive partner. (068)

I fantasized about being penetrated by a man and wanted a boyfriend to confirm my femininity. (200)

I am a postoperative transsexual. I have found that I get the most sexually excited now when I fantasize about being sexy and beautiful and when someone else sees me that way. In fact, adoration from someone else plays into it. (069)

It occurred to me that I should consider sex with men - what better way to confirm my new status as a woman! The idea of sex with men used to disgust me, but little by little that changed, and I became tremendously turned on by the superior physical strength men have and my growing ability to turn them on just by flaunting my stuff. Getting men aroused gives me an incredible sexual thrill and confirms my desirability as a woman. (077)

I met a man who fell in love with me. When I was with him, I was happy to be submissive, I was excited to be looked after and to feel pretty and sexy. (214)

I sometimes have the sense that what really thrills me is not my sexual partner (i.e., the supposed object of desire) but rather what he makes me feel like. I would feel thrilled to be a sexy woman capable of arousing a man - a real, straight, masculine man. (189)

When I am a woman, I want to be with a man, acting like a woman, being treated like a woman and being loved like a woman. I know that this would be the ultimate for me.

I was living full-time. I had a boyfriend that I communicated with by e-mail. I even had a date with him when he was in my town. I enjoyed very much being treated like a lady. (215)

I am powerfully sexually excited by the idea of being desired by men and by the notion of being thought of as beautiful. The turn on is not me, but all the clothes. (216)

In all of the preceding narrative excerpts, the informants emphasized the validation they experienced from real or fantasized interactions with men. They described how the real or imagined men they interacted with made them feel about themselves: womanly, desirable, submissive, sexy, beautiful, attractive. They notably did not emphasize how they felt about specific men or about men in general (e.g., they did not describe falling in love with specific men or feeling aroused by specific men's bodies - or by men's bodies generally).

One informant reported that she experienced similar feelings of validation of her womanhood after being anally penetrated by another preoperative MtF transsexual:

I was with an Asian pre-op. She was totally functional, and I bottomed (anal) for her for about a half hour. It didn't hurt at all and I felt so feminine. I loved that I could cause a penis to orgasm the same way a natal girl can. It was so great to be totally submissive. I loved being an object of pleasure for someone. (034)

As this informant suggested, the ability to take a woman's sexual role (or something like it) in relation to another person’s penis is sometimes all that is necessary to experience validation of one's femininity. The gender of the person who possesses the penis may be of secondary importance.