Artist - Jamie Vesta

(In the artist’s own words)

My art is about gender role reversal, including the reversal of power. Like everyone, I noticed from an early age that society expects different behaviours from people based upon their sex, and I became fascinated by a scenario in which women, not men, are the dominant sex. Not the S&M world of whips, dungeons and dominas, but a simple swap of everyday gender roles. It is extremely (and surprisingly) difficult to find this depicted, so I decided to try and create this world in art. 

I used to use the moniker ‘Eve’s Rib’, but found that some people called me ‘Eve’, and assumed that I identified as female. So now I am Jamie Vesta and yes, I’m male and content to be. I’m critical of masculinity, but that’s a different thing.

I work within a few different scenarios. My usual is a situation where women, as a result of the so-called ‘genderquake’, have become the breadwinners and seized economic and political power from men. In this near-future world, it is women who wear the trousers and go to work, while the men have to stay at home, wear dresses and do the housework. This scenario offers a rationale for the pictures. It takes certain trends in the real world – girls doing better in education, women moving into the workforce, etc – and extrapolates them into a female-run future. However, if you prefer to take the pictures as illustrations of a world that’s always been female-dominated, or as stand-alone satire, that’s fine too. I also paint scenarios set in an alternative past in which it’s the men and boys who wear the petticoats and bonnets, and I occasionally base pictures in the real world. 

The pictures will serve the fantasy of a particular community, but I hope they will also provoke the viewer to question gender norms. Gender is a social construct. It is a product of history, not of genes or divine will, and can therefore be changed or ignored. Gender conventions should not prevent people from expressing themselves as they please. 

The forward strides taken by women over the last hundred years might convince some people that women are really becoming dominant. But though it’s fun to pretend, we must know the difference between fantasy and reality. According to the top indicators of power, women are still behind men: just look at the proportion of women to men in our parliaments and boardrooms, and they are sometimes paid a third less than men for doing the same job. This is why feminism – which argues that women and men are born equal, and should be treated equally by society – is still very important.

I hope you enjoy the pictures, and if you don’t, well no one’s keeping you here!

Jamie Vesta

Heterosexual Transwomen and Sexual Orientation

From: The excellent website - http://www.annierichards.com/

Fascinating information about the sexual orientation of Transwomen

From consolidated sources it would seem that about half of the transwomen who were heterosexual man (i.e. were exclusively sexually attracted to women) before their SRS, become heterosexual women afterwards (i.e. exclusively attracted to men).   This is a possible corollary from the dominance of a heterosexual orientation in natal women - even if a woman is known to be a transsexual, a heterosexual inclination (i.e. a sexual preference for men) is still subconsciously expected by society and even the woman herself, and any other orientation presents problems.

    

Jennifer Hiloudaki with male friend Transwoman Jacqui and husband Stephen Kathi Stringer and friend Emma Packer (formally Martin) with wife Linda (right) Six foot tall Kelly is easily identifiable as a transsexual woman - but  also very attractive to heterosexual men.

A large study by Dr. Lawrence found that just 9% of the 232 male-to-female participants were attracted to men before their SRS, this rose to a substantial 34% after SRS, but percentages are still very low compared with other (smaller) studies.  However there may be some problems with this study which may make it difficult to generalise from - for example the age or self selecting nature of the participants.

For a homosexual man, successfully appearing to be a woman gives access to an almost unlimited number of male sexual partners - some willing to pay for sex.

Post-SRS heterosexual transwomen appear to fall in to two main categories - those that were homosexual (or bisexual) men before SRS and have simply continued to select males as their sexual partners, and those that changed their sexual preference from women to men after their SRS. 

It's been controversially suggested that some transsexual post-SRS heterosexual women are  homosexual men driven to have a sex change by their sexual preferences.  The theory is that as men, these individuals desire and want to love other men - especially 'straight' heterosexual men - but they can only attract and enter in to relationships with the later by becoming women.  Given legal developments over the last ten years, after surgery they have to be considered as being heterosexual women, not homosexual men.

Athena, an Iranian male to female transsexual

Whilst many in the medical profession seems reluctant to accept this theory, Professor J. Michael Bailey has been a strong advocate.  

It certainly seems to be indirectly supported by the fact that a majority of shemale prostitutes revert to living as a man with a homosexual orientation when their looks fade - it is only a small step from that to assume that a few homosexuals instead decide to have SRS, perhaps after entering a serious relation with a heterosexual man.  The  theory is also perhaps supported by evidence from Iran where homosexuality is strictly banned on religious grounds, but sex change surgery is allowed and is subsidised by the state.  After surgery, the transwoman can have her birth certificate and all other official documents re-issued as 'female', and legally marry a man.  The high prevalence of transsexuality and SRS procedures in Iran - one surgeon suggested eights times greater than western countries - leads to the suspicion that many homosexuals (and lesbians) are claiming to be transsexual.

Regardless of how correct the "some [MTF] transsexuals are homosexuals" theory is, it certainly doesn't account for all the heterosexual transwomen, and other factors must be considered.  One such factor may be hormones.  The radical hormonal changes in the body of a transwoman, to approximately female norms after orchiectomy or SRS, may well give her a push towards a heterosexual orientation.  This can happens sometimes to their own surprise - them blaming (perhaps correctly in part) the hormones they are taking.  For example a 27-year old MTF transsexual in love with her already post-SRS transwoman partner, admitted that "I'd now categorise myself as bisexual because since taking hormones I find men attractive too." 

Non-transsexual observers seem to find that post-transition transsexual women are often more "female than [genetic] females" in their life style and social beliefs, and a few (usually those that transition in middle age) do indeed seem to be almost a living stereotype of the feminine ideal.  Some transwomen undoubtedly strongly feel that as a woman they should only want to have sexual relations with a man, and in this instance any residual sexual attraction to women rather than men becomes both unimportant and something to be suppressed.  Going further, for a few transsexual women (like for some genetic women), marriage and even motherhood via the adoption of children becomes their overriding goal, and perhaps an ultimate symbol and proof of their womanhood.  Indeed, the Stepford Wives may be still be alive and well - albeit transwomen!

While most heterosexual transwomen are heterosexual for reasons of choice and preference, it seems likely that in some instances the adoption of a heterosexual orientation is closely related to the transsexual woman's success in passing and assimilating herself as a woman.  Social conformance - even in the twenty-first century - encourages the successfully passing transwoman to enter in to "normal" sexual relationships with men as far as she is physically capable, while intimate relationships with other women risks "rocking the boat" and unwanted curiosity and gossip.  

Entering into a committed relationship with a man undoubtedly tends to pull a transwoman away from any open acknowledgement of her transsexuality and male past, and encourages an apparently heterosexual orientation in public - what ever her secret inclinations might still be.  Many heterosexual transsexual women hide their male past from partners and even their husband, feeling (unfortunately often correctly) that the relationship may not survive this becoming known to him.  Even if the partner knows about and accepts the woman's transsexuality, their friends and his family might not be so open minded, and external pressures and prejudice could eventually destroy the relationship.  When the marriage of an apparently successful transwoman with a man come under stress - as every marriage inevitably does at some point - a background awareness of the wife's former life as man often seems to be a decisive factor in the divorce. 

A very sensual and sexy transwoman, but the reality for many transsexuals over 40 is depressing - intimate relations with "normal" heterosexual men are rare.

The other side of the coin is that post-SRS heterosexual transwomen who are unable to pass well are often faced with great difficulty in attracting and having a relationship with men.  One night stands with 'normal' men often end in tears.  Brief relationships with tranny chasers may occur, but these are usually seeking pre-SRS girls and thus often disappointed.  Eventual sexual abstinence is common among those in their 30's and 40's; whilst those over age 50 may struggle to get any sexual interest from men at all.  One post-SRS transwoman in her 40's - who desperately wants a relationship with a 'straight' man but finds herself to be out'ed within minutes - despairingly says "no man wants to have sex with a transsexual when they can have a real woman".   [MTF women thinking about transition and surgery should bear this in mind] 

Finally, it should should be mentioned that some transwomen consider themselves to be heterosexual, but in practice have little interest in the actual sex.  For example, Samantha Kane (who had SRS at age 37) concluded after five boyfriends that sex as a woman was rather boring - indeed far less interesting than the preliminaries to a big night out such as a shopping trip.  There's no doubt that quite a few genetic women would agree with her!

Raised as a Girl

From: Experience Project

I was raised in the 70's when many boys had long hair. I was about 5 when my mother dressed me in my 4 yr old sister's clothes. I was very small and my sister was a little bigger than me. My father left my mother when I was 3, so she dressed me as a girl all the time. My sister and I looked like twin girls. We had long blonde hair and, besides being smaller than my younger sister, I looked her age too. 

Around that time, we moved to another city and moved into my mother's sister's house. She had a daughter who was my age and my mother was a nurse. My aunt home schooled us. I was raised as a girl and played with my cousin and my sister. There were only girl's toys to play with and we had so much fun. I remember when I was 8, my hair had grown so long that it was down my back just like my sister's. She now was much bigger than me and looked older too. Even though I was a year older, I looked much younger and had to wear her hand-me-downs from when she was 6. Besides being so tiny and young looking, I looked like her cute little sister. Both her and my cousin were now bigger and stronger than me. They were bossy and teased me and called me a baby. When I turned 9, I looked like 7 and my mother dressed me in my cousin's communion dress and shoes that she wore when she was 7. I got my ears pierced and wore my cousin's matching necklace. My mother brought me to a potrait studio for my communion pictures. I looked just like a pretty 7 yr old girl in the photos. I was so happy that I looked so pretty. By now I forgot what is was like to be a boy and I loved being a girl.

Hormone replacement therapy (male-to-female)

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for transgender and transsexual people changes the balance of sex hormones in their bodies. Some intersex people also receive HRT, either starting in childhood to confirm the sex to which they were assigned, or later, if this assignment has proven to be incorrect.

Its purpose is to cause the development of the secondary sex characteristics of the desired sex. It cannot undo many of the changes produced by the first natural occurring puberty, which may necessitate surgery and/or epilation (see below).

The ICD-10 criteria for Transsexualism include the individual having a transsexual identity of over 2 years, a strong and persistent desire to live as a member of the opposite sex, usually accompanied by the desire to make their body as congruent as possible with the preferred sex through surgery and hormone treatments. These individuals cannot be diagnosed with Transsexualism if it is believed to be a result of another mental disorder, or a genetic, intersex or chromosomal abnormality.

The ICD-10 criteria for Gender identity disorder of childhood in males include the individual being pre-pubescent and having intense and persistent distress about being a boy. The distress must be present for at least six months. The child must either:

1. Have a preoccupation with stereotypic female activities, as shown by crossdressing, simulating female attire, or an intense desire to join in the games and pastimes of girls, rejecting male games and pastimes.
2. Have persistent denial relating to their male anatomy. This can be shown through believing they will grow up to be a woman, that their penis or testes is disgusting or will disappear, or that it would be better not to have a penis.

The DSM-IV-R criteria for Gender Identity Disorder includes four main criteria. The DSM-IV-R also requests that the individual's sexuality is noted.

Strong and persistent cross-gender identity.

In children this may be demonstrated by them meeting four or more of the following criteria:

1. An insistence that one is or desires to be the other sex.
2. Boys must display a preference crossdressing or simulating female attire, and girls must persistently wear only stereotypical male clothing.
3. Persistent fantasies of being the other sex, or strong and persistent preference for cross-sex roles in make-believe play.
4. Intense desire to participate in stereotypical games of the other sex.
5. Strong preference for playmates of the other sex.

Persistent discomfort with their sex or a sense of inappropriateness in the gender role of that sex.

In boys this may manifest as an assertion that their penis or testes are disgusting or will disappear, or asserting that it is better not to have a penis.

In adults and adolescents this manifests as a preoccupation with removing primary or secondary sex characteristics, such as a demand for surgery or hormone replacement therapy.

The disturbance must not be concurrent with a physical intersex condition.

The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupations or important areas of functioning.

The DSM-V moves from Gender Identity Disorder to Gender Dysphoria to avoid the implication that gender nonconformity is in itself a mental disorder, but a similar entry remains in the DSM-V so that individuals may still seek treatment. The DSM-V, unlike the DSM-IV and ICD-10, separates Gender Dysphoria from sexual paraphilias, and diagnoses on the basis of a strong desire that one has feelings and convictions typical of the other sex, or that one strongly desires to be treated as the other sex or be rid of one's sex characteristics.

The readability of patients to transition is also relevant to undertake hormone replacement therapy, which includes the patient's likelihood to take hormones in a responsible manner, have made progress in mastering other identified problems that leads to improving or continuing stable mental health, and have had further consolidation of gender identity during psychotherapy or Real Life Experience of their desired gender role.^[3]

Some organizations still require a period of time living as the desired gender role, based on standards such as the Standards of Care for the Health of Transsexual, Transgender, and Gender Nonconforming People (WPATH). This period is sometimes called the Real Life Experience (RLE). Endocrine Society in 2009 specified that individuals should either have a documented 3 months Real Life Experience or a period of psychotherapy of length specified by the mental health provider, usually a minimum of 3 months.

Some people, especially individuals from the transgender community, say that RLE is psychologically harmful and is a form of "gatekeeping" — effectively barring people from transitioning for as long as possible, if not permanently.

Some individuals choose to self-administer their medication ("do-it-yourself"), often because available doctors have too little experience in this matter, or no doctor is available in the first place. Sometimes, trans persons choose to self-administer because their doctor will not prescribe hormones without a letter from the patient's therapist stating that the patient meets the diagnostic criteria for GID and is making an informed decision to transition. Many therapists require at least three months of continuous psychotherapy and/or a real life test in order to write such a letter as is suggested in the HBIGDA Standards of Care. In these circumstances, the individual may self-administer until they can get these authorizations, feeling that they shouldn't have to wait for a medical professional to be convinced of their situation. In addition, as many individuals must pay for evaluation and care out-of-pocket, expense can also be prohibitive to pursuing such therapy.

However, self-administration of certain hormones (namely ethinyl estradiol) and anti-androgens (namely cyproterone acetate, flutamide, and nilutamide) is potentially dangerous and can cause an elevation in liver enzymes.

"Suck cock until you can’t think."

On the Adoration of the Lingam, by Kalkinath

"He who desires perfection of the soul must worship the lingam."

Linga Purana

"Suck cock until you can’t think."

Daniel Suders, The Fourteen Steps

The Lingam of Shiva

The term Lingam, in Sanskrit, means ‘sign’. Shiva, as the Absolute - that which is unmanifest, can only be perceived by the means of his creation - the source of life from which the world is issued. This is the principle upon which the veneration of the phallus is based in Shaivite mysticism.

"Shiva is without sign, without colour, without taste, without odour, beyond the reach of words or touch, without qualities, immutable and immovable."

"The distinctive sign by which one can recognise the nature of something is therefore called lingam."

Linga Purana

A central concept in Tantra is that of divine immanence – that one can experience the divine through the worship of god or goddess in a living form. This commonly appears in the forms of tantric puja (ritual) where a goddess is worshipped in the form of a living woman. Jeffrey J. Kripal notes the teachings of Vaishnavacharan, a nineteenth-century tantric contemporary of Ramakrishna, whose Kartabhaja sect of tantrics practised the method of "delighting in God in the forms of man." That is to say, Vaishnavacharan’s followers sought to experience divine ecstasy by making a living man the subject of their adoration. Kripal infers that this would have included sex-play.

Blowjob Bhakti

One of the central homo-erotic interludes in Hindu myth is Agni’s swallowing of the semen of Shiva, which led to a chain of events culminating in the birth of the god Skanda. Skanda is considered by some writers to be the object of devotion by a homo-erotic cult in India and elsewhere.

"Then from his linga Shiva released his perfect seed which had the fragrant perfume of jasmine or the blue lotus. Agni took it into his hands and drank it, rejoicing, thinking, ‘Elixir!’ and then Shiva vanished." - Saura Purana, quoted in Conner, Sparks & Sparks, p44.

Semen is the purest form of sacrificial elixir – the Soma offering given to the fire of desire. The Vedic texts contain many references to semen as a form of food. On an esoteric level, the ingestion of semen is a form of eucharist whereby the deity resides in the semen and enters the body of the practitioner. The magical properties of ingesting semen appears in a wide variety of cultural contexts.

Sucking cock is an act of worship. Kneeling before a man is an adoration, or an abasement. Accepting the semen of a stranger or lover is immensely powerful. There’s a power in yielding, in abandoning oneself, and a power in one’s ability, through passion and skill, to bring about the pleasure of another.

In the Kama Sutra, fellatio is referred to as auparishtaka – ‘superior coition’, and associates its practice with hijras or male prostitutes.

Jivantalingapuja – Worship of the Living Lingam

This is an outline, using tantric principles, for a sexual puja employing fellatio. 

Salutation to Ganesha

A salutation to Ganesha, whom Shiva decreed should be worshipped prior to the beginning of any auspicious act, is made. The penis, (particularly if flaccid), may be adored as Ganesha’s trunk.

Bathing the Phallus

Bathing the phallus is a ritual act of purification, preparing it to become the vehicle of the indwelling deity. This may be done as a ritual oblation or by tongue-bathing.

Nyasa

Nyasa (placing) is the ritual act of identifying the body (or part, in this case) with the indwelling deity. Again this may be done ritually, or silently, through massage and stroking.

Om, I salute Shiva in the balls

Na, I salute Shiva in the root

Ma, I salute Shiva in the shaft

Shi, I salute Shiva in the crown

Va, I salute Shiva in the tip

Ya, I salute Shiva in the eye

Invoking the Deity

Invoking the chosen deity (i.e. Shiva) into the vessel is traditionally performed by the practitioner identifying with the deity through internal meditation and then externalising the indwelling deity into the vessel via the breath. Here, it may be appropriate to identify oneself with Agni (see above) before simultaneously breathing onto and stroking the penis so that it becomes a vessel for divinity.

Adoring the Lingam

Having installed the deity into the penis, it may now be adored. One may choose to use the delightful prose of the tantras or something more contemporary, depending on circumstances. Some partners might be somewhat alarmed to hear their cock described as "shining with the light of ten thousand suns."

Superior Coition

The Kama Sutra describes the ‘eight ways’ of performing fellatio:

Casual

Clasping the penis with one hand, bringing the lips close, rounding them over the mast, whilst pressing, releasing and shaking.

Nibbling the sides

Covering the end of the penis with one hand, pressing the lips to the sides and nibbling slightly at the same time.

External Pinching

Bringing his lips close to the penis, he presses the mast and kisses it whilst sucking. When the sex has been stimulated by being nibbled along the sides, he himself, excited at the first contact with his lips, lets the end of the penis penetrate into his mouth, pressing it and sucking and, having bared it, he releases it.

Internal Pinching

On request, he then lets the penis penetrate further, and, pressing it between his lips, causes an ejaculation.

The Kiss

Encircling the penis with his hand instead of his lips, he kisses it. Let the tip of the tongue wander and titillate the meatus opening, cleaning it carefully. This is called polishing.

Browsing

Having done this, with the tip of the tongue, licking the mast all over and titillating the opening, is known as browsing.

Sucking the Mango

Having bared the mast, pressing the organ hard, passionately, whilst half inside, and sucking whilst pressing, is known as sucking the mango.

Devouring

Having understood the man’s desire and in order to satisfy his wish to come, he makes him ejaculate by the pressure of his tongue until the sperm gushes out.

Consuming the Soma

Assuming one wishes to do this, the divine essence may be held in the mouth whilst one meditates on the force of Shiva, before being swallowed or shared. Alternatively, a spunk-filled condom can be retained for later burial or use in anointing. Also, as Katon Shual has pointed out, dried semen can be burnt, and the ashes imbided safely.

Sources

Cassell’s Encyclopedia of Queer Myth, Symbol and Spirit, Conner, Sparks & Sparks, Cassell, 1997

The Complete Kama Sutra, Alain Daniélou, Park Street Press, 1994

The Myths and Gods of India, Alain Daniélou, Inner Traditions, 1991

The Phallus: Sacred Symbol of Male Creative Power, Alain Daniélou, Inner traditions, 1995

Rebels & Devils: The Psychology of Liberation, Christopher S. Hyatt (ed), New Falcon Publications, 1996

Kali’s Child: The Mystical and the Erotic in the Life and Teachings of Ramakrishna, Jeffrey J. Kripal, University of

Are You a Sissy?

From: www.briannaaustin.com

Growing up in Brooklyn, New York during the 1960s, the term “sissy” had a much different meaning than it does today.

Where do you fall on that spectrum?

When I was a kid, as a closet cross-dresser, I was all too familiar with the term, and avoided association with it at all costs.  A sissy was often the opposite of a Tom Boy. Back then a sissy was any boy who acted effeminate; any boy who wore clothes deemed girlish in style or color; any boy who did things considered girly; any boy who moved in anyway less than “macho” – God forbid you allowed others to see your wrist hanging limp!

Wikipedia describes a sissy as (derived from sister; also sissy baby, sissy boy, etc.) is a pejorative term for a boy or man who violates or does not meet the traditional male gender role. Generally, sissy implies a lack of courage and stoicism, which are thought important to the male role. A man might also be considered a sissy for being interested in traditionally feminine hobbies or employment (e.g., being fond of fashion, going to meditation sessions, or cooking), for displaying effeminate behavior (e.g., saying "mua mua" before hanging up the phone or using creams), for being un-athletic, or for being homosexual.

This left a lot of sissy quicksand for one to fall into; wear pink, yellow or powder blue anything – shirt, socks, shorts, jacket – and you might as well just adopt a girl’s name right there on the spot and be content to watch the boys play from then on without you -- because you’d never again be allowed to join in boy games.  Get caught by friends playing girl games – like house, fashion show or tea for two -- with sisters or girlfriends or girl cousins --, and you’d be exiled to girls land forever.  And even getting caught doing domestic things – cooking or cleaning, for example --, though you might get a pass because everyone knows that “mom made you do it!”, you’d still be ribbed relentlessly for quite a while.

Oddly the actual closet sissies rarely, if ever, got called on anything because they were always on guard: they never did or said anything that would reveal their private sissy-ness to anyone.

The closest I ever came was when I performed in an Irish Jig dance troupe. After one particular performance, some kid in the audience called me a sissy.  It was a good thing that I concurrently was taking martial arts, and when we scuffled and I flipped him, my “tough guy” image was secured.

While it was an unwritten obligation for any “man” boy to out a sissy when he saw one, he’d often do so with his sole motivation simply to show that he himself wasn’t a sissy.

As boys growing up in the 1960s, we had macho standards to uphold.  They were set decades before our own by the screen actor rebels like James Dean or Marlon Brando, Paul Newman, or even clean-cut but dashing manly-men like Kirk Douglas, Gregory Peck or Cary Grant. In the 1960s Steve McQueen ushered in a new standard: he was the King of Cool.  We had lots of macho roles to emulate.

For many decades the words sissy and homosexual were synonymous.  Any cross-dresser would certainly be deemed a sissy; what “man” would wear women’s clothing and make up?

But things have changed through the decades, both in meaning and vernacular.   Gender has gotten more fluid, especially in clothing styles and colors, the acceptance of men engaging in cooking classes, and generally becoming more domesticated.

There is now an entire sub-culture in the transgender community where men are sissified, which is like feminized, but with more frilly and submissive overtones, and often tied to B&D (bondage and domination) activities.

While some transgender gurlz strive to become more feminine, most envision themselves either as women [trapped in a man’s body), “Two Spirited” – possessing both feminine and masculine components that comprise their gender identity, or simply guys that like to be feminine and pretty occasionally – and what’s wrong with that?

The sissy, however, doesn’t see himself as a women; in fact he is firmly rooted in the reality that he is not a woman, nor can he every truly become one, but no longer a man either. In many instances the sissy sees women as the superior species, and is happy to simply elevate themselves to their highest possible feminine representation of female.

To that end, the sissy acts and dresses as frilly and feminine as possible, but never in a mainstream way. They love ruffles, satin, and lace in yellow, white and pink, anything that accentuates femininity – usually garters & stockings, high heels, and costumes.  But it can also include baby girl and little girl attire and actions as well.

Their goal is not to assimilate; thus the frills are both an adoration of feminism, and a reminder that they’re merely emulating that which they can never actually be.

It is then no surprise that most sissies are usually submissive in nature, a soft demeanor that earns to serve.  Often when you come upon social profiles of sissies, they are seeking a “strong master or mistress” to train them. This is yet another way of saying, “bring out the girl in me and suppress the male … PLEASE!”

Is being a sissy then really about being and looking feminine, or is it really – at the root – about power, the lack of, and/or exchange of it?

Being a sissy these days isn’t about dressing up somewhere and getting a little sexual eroticism; it’s a commitment to becoming something not female or male, but highly feminine, regardless of the age play.  No one in the broader transgender community really understands sissies, just like the mainstream – or the gay community for that matter -- doesn’t really get transgender.

So sissies are left to their own devices, or God-willing a master or mistress that can guide, mold and nurture them.  Being a sad sissy is pointless, because according to Quentin Crisp, “their biscuit-baking mothers would tell them that if they’re looking for sympathy, that they’ll find it in the thesaurus between shit and syphilis … and after Sissy.”

Until next time sissies, be happy, be save, and always think pretty!

Becoming a Woman

From: http://www.briannaaustin.com/

Do you dream of life as a woman 24/7?  Is it reality or fantasy that drives you?

Many of us have fantasized about becoming a woman; waking everyday with silky smooth legs and curvaceous bodies. Gliding in high heels, wearing makeup, garter-belts, and stockings and blending in.  Enjoying our feminine self without any hecklers or unwanted remarks. For some this is more than fantasy, it is a life long objective just within reach.

There are so many t-sisters out there searching for happiness convinced that they would find it in womanhood. For a very few, some who are truly transsexuals – woman trapped in a man’s body -- they do find happiness. For too many others it was but an empty illusion. Cross dressers often experience such joy in the female role that some seek that joy all the time. But one must recognize the illusion they experience. When one dresses up and steps out in our high heels (or stays in), the joy is in the magic of that moment.  But it is just that – a moment; a fleeting utopian second. Can the experience really be sustained? 

First off, many CDs don't dress because they're displaced women in a man’s body.  Dressing provides an escape from something; whether it is an over bearing mother, father or wife, a release of the pressures of one's job, an ability to express a part of one’s self more comfortably through a female persona, sexual gratification or any of dozens of other descriptions. What am I saying? I am saying that it is great in a limited space of time, but to do it everyday may not be the dream one imagines. 

When many men dress they leave the problems of life with their male identity and escape into the wonderful carefree life of womanhood, and it can be delicious. It's delicious however because they don't have any of the problems of LIVING as a woman.  When you seek to be a woman all the time however, you re-enter back into the real world. Your previous problems, from which you were trying to escape, are no longer escapable as a full-time woman.

Moreover, the problems are still there except you now have to deal with them as a woman, which is not an easy task. I have had so many men say to me “I am so relaxed as a woman.” Perhaps they are relaxed because they have escaped the day to day grind and pressure of life. Many CD’s when they are in their “I have to dress” frame of mind, can’t think of anything else. They will put off important issues until they are done in an hour – a day or a week later, knowing that they will return to the issues at hand when they are fulfilled. Many times they return feeling renewed and refreshed. But if you were living as a woman you could not put these things off; they would be part of your life and have to be dealt with timely.    


Not only does transition mean dealing with life “as” a woman; it means experiencing life “not” as a man. Many of the benefits of being a man will disappear, and there are many benefits in this society to being a man I assure you. I am not trying to de-rail anyone's desires of pursuing their dream of transition or full time dressing. I'm infusing some hard reality to consider before leaping: make sure you've thought it through, weighed the realities against the fantasies, and are driven by the core of who you are and not by the person you like to be, sometimes.  

Moreover, a woman has been practicing her assimilation into society all her life – from childhood through the teenage years right into adulthood. She has been prepared to live in society as a woman, learning about her strengths and weaknesses, the advantages and setbacks. You have not. A man who was used to certain access, attention and respect may be very frustrated by the new lack of it. Many trans-girls say to me “I get so much attention as a girl, more than I ever did as a man.” Honey that is sideshow attention, you are the spectacle, the organ grinder monkey. The monkey gets lots of attention – what does that really mean? Would you get more attention and respect at work, in applying for a loan, making a business deal, or is it only at the tranny bar? Give that some real honest thought.

Choosing to transition is not about convenience either.  Because it may be a hard road doesn't make it the wrong road.  It's a decision however that does require taking all things into account.  

In 1985 I had a dear friend known as International Chrysis (see photo at left). She was tall, feminine and beautiful -- ala Rita Hayworth. She was a bombshell who was very comfortable in her gay sexual orientation, unlike many cross dressers who have internal struggles over whether they're gay, BI or heterosexual. She had started hormones at the age of 16 and in her 30s -- with an hourglass figure and 38-C breasts -- at times would question her decision.

I spent many nights with her as she cried saying “what have I done, I am a monster.” When I asked what she meant she said, “I should have just been a gay man.” I was stunned. How could this be? She was beautiful, feminine and had no question about her sexuality.  She was a natural candidate to be TS, yet still had internal conflicts. 

People assume that everybody fits into a clear mold based on certain factors, I certainly did. Chrysis struggled with life as a woman spending most of her time androgynous in her hairstyle and clothing. Only during a night out, or doing a show did portray the illusion of a woman, yet always referred to her makeup and wig as drag. “Let me get out of this drag” she would say at the end of the night.

It was only a year or so before her death that she let her hair grow and began to accept and portray the role of a woman. She even landed a speaking part in the movie Q & A with Nick Nolte shortly before her untimely death, and was thesubject of the documentary Split.  (She is greatly missed!)

A current friend is on a fast track to transition; the hormones are flowing, breasts are growing, skin softening and surgery is being planned. When she is complete - does that make her a woman? She still reacts like a man, has the temperament of a man, thinks like a man and has the libido of a man. So with the body of a woman what is she? On the contrary, my very dear friend Teryl-Lynn Fox (the former Miss Gay Louisiana and countless other titles), never even dressed up the first time until she was in her late teens, and within a few years started living full-time.  She said it best: “Womanhood is something you have to grow into, it is not something you just become. It is a journey that evolves – changing continually.” 

Many of my other friends struggle for a sense of understanding. Is my current friend a gay man looking for validation? Does she think in her mind that to be with a man would be O.K. if she were a woman? Sexuality plays a huge underlying role in the lives of many cross dressers. Another friend once told me “I am not gay, I am only with men when I am dressed up.” “Does the dress make a difference” I asked?  To her it apparently does. This is not to portray that all cross dressers are confused about their sexual orientation, because there are many that are very comfortable in their heterosexual -- or homosexual -- orientation. But if they were heterosexual then that would make them lesbians wouldn’t it? On second thought,  that is another article all together. 

“Your body is the taxi that carries YOU around” I once wrote.  Who you are is what this article is all about, inside you, your heart, your spirit and your soul. Don’t rush off in hope that transition will make your life better; find out who you are first. When you get in touch with that, then, and only then are you ready to deal with a life-altering decision.  

If you have the spirit of a woman and really want to bring your body in line with “you”, which you believe in your very bones should have been a woman, then transition makes sense, but absolutely anything less is a tempting but empty fantasy.

As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.